These Words given by My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who still absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."