Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
As a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
